Lost as day one

Today, I sit here in this strangely quiet room, and I think about how I am just as lost and confused as I was on that first devastating day when I found out that Jai, my beloved son, was gone. How is it possible that he can be right here in my life one moment, full of laughter and plans, and then simply vanish into thin air the next? He was healthy, cheerful, and seemed to have so much life ahead of him. I knew he had some battles to face, but he had a remarkable ability to overcome so much. My mind is swirling with countless questions that will forever remain unanswered, and somehow, I have to learn to live with that heavy reality. How can a mother simply carry on day by day without knowing the reasons why? That is the profound struggle, the daunting battle, that I am left to confront. I had been looking forward to attending my son’s best friend's baby shower, a joyous occasion that should have filled my heart with warmth, but I just could not find the strength within myself to go. I wanted those beautiful moments for my Jai, moments that I know he would have cherished deeply. I remind myself, one day at a time, one minute, even one second at a time. You get tired of hearing those comforting phrases, but somehow, in the back of your mind, you just know it to be achingly true.