In My Grief

I’m not a writer, but I wanted to start a blog to help other parents and myself cope with grief. It’s been 16 months since my son Jai passed away from fentanyl poisoning. People said time would make it easier, but for me, it feels harder. I miss his voice, his laughter, and the way he played guitar. I can still picture him running down the stairs to hang out. I talk to him every day and can’t go to the store without buying something for him. Recently, my daughter Kelsey and I went to Hobby Lobby, and I got Jai two music decorations for his room, knowing he’d probably laugh and say, "What are you doing, Ma?" He never liked taking pictures, yet I share them everywhere. He was easy-going, loved life, nature, and was an incredible guitarist. He could play anything he heard after just one listen.

When I grieve, I often laugh at our memories. Though not all moments were perfect, the amazing ones make me wish for those days back, to see his baby blue eyes again. I didn’t realize his struggles ran so deep, and I wish he could have experienced marriage, kids, or even just dating. I believe he’s with me, and I’ll keep his light alive in my heart. I promise to make him proud, showing my strength and knowing it would make him smile. Until we reunite, I’ll strum your guitar those sweet nothings and make you laugh. Peace be with Jai. I’ll love you forever, my sweet child!