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Hello! I am not even sure if anyone reads this besides Jai’s incredibly supportive Nana, but sometimes it just helps to write, whether or not it’s actually read really does not matter, I guess. I know it's been a little while since I last wrote anything down. I have not been up to doing much lately—life has felt pretty slow. I am still working on my shirts, and let me tell you, it is taking way longer than I thought it would be to get the hang of using the Cricut machine, but I am confident that I will find my groove soon.

Anyways, I recently read about this new drug that they are calling “pink cocaine.” From what I gathered, it says that it will be worse than fentanyl, which is honestly mind-boggling and concerning, considering how incredibly dangerous and deadly fentanyl already is. If you have any information on this topic, please share your thoughts with me. I am ready and eager to dive into more projects aimed at raising awareness about the horrible realities of fentanyl poisoning. If anyone has anything planned or simply wants to brainstorm ideas together, please reach out to me! I am more than willing to help in any way I can.

As far as the grief goes, it remains a mix of good days, bad days, and I am starting to experience a few angry days as well. Up until now, I haven’t really gone through the angry, mad emotions, but over the last week, I can feel myself steadily sliding in that direction. I just have so many unanswered questions that I will likely never know the answers to. More specifically, I really want to know who sold my son that fake Xanax. I know it doesn’t change the tragic outcome, but it would provide some kind of comfort knowing there’s a chance that person could be held accountable for their actions.

I still can’t get into his phone, and while I am aware that there are things, as a mother, I don’t want to know or see, I would love to just get a glimpse of the last few text messages and the videos he must have saved of him playing the guitar. But, enough about that for now. The holidays are creeping up on us fast, and honestly, I’m not ready for that emotional storm. All I want is nothing more than to wrap my arms around my precious baby boy and tell him just how much I love him.